I'm back!!

salam dear bloggers..
sorry for neglecting this blog for so long.. been very very busy..

I've been so immersed with work.. now is a transition time for me,
I'm moving to another project soon.. (or to a new company.. who knows?)..
let's just say I'm enjoying the calm before the next storm..

so.. what's new.. nothing much..
few months ago I bought a mountain bike.. (it's not a big deal, I guess everybody in town had a mtb or road bike these days)..
I end up doing the same mistake as always (why oh why did I never learned)that is buying the only pink bike in the store.. Pink Cannondale F7.. mainly just because of the looks and colour..
After a few ride I realised that it's just not for me, it's not comfortable enough..
So I ask my husband to buy me another one, Kona 2010.. I manage to persuade him and my friend to buy themselves a new mtb too.. what to do.. I need my bodyguards.. hehe.. Anyway, I manage to enjoy a few rides, after that came this very nasty heatwave.. of all the things I really can't stand the heat.. I almost fainted one afternoon during a ride because of the heat.. So the cycling activity was put on hold until cooler weather comes..
This is me with my good friend who had to ride alone these days because I can't stand the heat.. sorry beb, next time we go k? hehe..



mmm what else.. I've been into gardening too.. I've transformed my in law's porch into a very relaxing place with many colourful and fragrant flowers.. fortunately my husband is not always around.. otherwise he'll make so much noise, apa ni? asik2 pergi Sg. Buloh.. takde kerja lain ke? hehe.. This is one of my favourite flowers.. melati jasmine.. the smell is so strong and so nice especially at night..



my latest craze is fish.. yup.. everyday after work I would stop by at the kedai ikan or pet shop.. I end up having three aquariums to maintain now, arowana & kelah which I put at the front porch, one with goldfish in the living room and one marine aquarium next to the dining table.

I initially bought the arowana for nilam, but it turns out that she didn't like the silver subspecies, she prefers the Red Tail Golden which is so expensive.. Kids these days.. I don't know how and when she became the arowana expert.. This is the silver arowana.. still small.. the only thing I don't like about it is that it really likes to jump, almost gave me a heart attack everytime I wanted to change the water..

Stress Kills

A friend mentioned to me once about this website.. www.drlam.com It's a site about natural medicine.. From many articles that they featured there one caught our attentions.. It is the one called adrenal fatigue.. they said that the technical term is hypoadrenia.. The scary thing is I got all of their symptoms spot on.. let me share some of the symptoms here..


- Tendency to gain weight and unable to loose it, especially around the waist.
- High frequency of getting the flu and other respiratory diseases and these symptoms tend to last longer than usual.
- Tendency to tremble when under pressure.
- Reduced sex drive.
- Lightheaded when rising from a laying down position.
- Unable to remember things.
- Lack of energy in the mornings and also in the afternoon between 3 to 5 pm.
- Feel better suddenly for a brief period after a meal.
- Often feel tired betweeen 9 - 10 pm, but resist going to bed.
- Need coffee or stimulants to get going in the morning.
- Crave for salty, fatty, and high protein food such as meat and cheese.
- Increase symptoms of PMS for women; period are heavy and then stop, or almost stopped on the 4th day, only to start flow again on the 5th or 6th day.
- Pain in the upper back or neck with no apparent reasons.
- Feels better when stress is relieved, such as on a vacation.
- Difficulties in getting up in the morning
- Lightheaded
- Mild depression
- Food and or inhalant allergies
- Lethargy and lack of energy
- Increased effort to perform daily tasks
- Decreased ability to handle stress
- Dry and thin skin
- Low Body Temperature
- Nervousness
- Palpitation
- Unexplained hair loss
- Alternating constipation and diarrhea

there.. I've been having all that for more than a year already.. everyday I would come to the office late.. somehow they still think of me as an asset and did not sack me just yet..

These signs and symptoms are often the end result of acute severe or chronic excessive stress and the inability of the body to reduce such stress. Stress, once a "basket" term used by physicians to explain non-specific symptoms undetectable by conventional blood test, is of no mystery to the body at all.

The ability to handle stress, physical or emotional, is a cornerstone to human survival. Our body has a complete set of stress modulation system in place, and the control center is the adrenal glands. When this gland becomes dysfunctional, our body's ability to handle stress reduces..

ok, doktor2 & doktor2 mude kat luar sana sila jawab.. betul tak ni? & kalau betul camana nak rawat ye? hehe..

For me, once I read this.. I've tried to recover.. I used to laugh when people mentioned stress kills.. but not anymore.. stress do kills, although a bit slow..
although there is no way that I can remove the stressors unless I tender my resignation but I try to get more rest daily and try to eat properly.. For the past few years I can make do with just 4-6 hours of sleep daily, and I always missed my meal.. The only time that I sleep properly was during a vacation and that happens maybe just a couple of times a year..

They even have this diet plan for adrenal fatigue recovery.. I'm trying to stick to it now.. hopefully I'll recover over time even not fully.. and no more anti-depressant from the doctors.. I've read it here that it will just worsens the condition..

Another quite interesting diet plan featured on Dr Lam's website is the one based on blood type, do check it out. My blood type is O and it does mentioned in the chart that I should avoid cabbage and cauliflower as it will trigger thyroid problems. I have half of my thyroid taken out a couple of years ago due to abnormal growth and since childhood these two veggies were my favourites..

I'd love to try this blood type diet one day, but I better get my adrenal glands recover first no matter how long will it take..

Cats in the Cradle

"Cats in the Cradle".. this song crosses my mind just a couple of minutes ago.. It was sang by a group called Ugly Kid Joe and I can't remember who before that... the "Generation X" like me might knew about this song but I doubt the "Generation Y" would know about it.. It is quite a sad song to me about a father and son relationship..

I've been too busy for the past couple of weeks.. I would reach home only after eight o'clock and I get to spent less than an hour with my girls before they went to bed at nine. Most of the time when I came back they would be waiting for me. I've been living with my in-laws since I came back to Malaysia.. However, my children's were not very close with their grandparents.. their grandparents also were always too occupied with their other two favourite grandkids.. so the girls used to play quietly by themselves while waiting for me to come home.. Sometimes when they got sick or hurt, they wouldn't even tell anybody, they would wait for me to come home to tell me about it.. So, by hook or by crook I have to get home before they went to bed. But sometimes I do missed them and I would see them only when they wake up the next morning..

My husband is currently in Vietnam, so I had to play the single mother role again.. It is the third time for me, the first time was when Nilam is just 6 months old.. it was hard everytime.. even harder when you were so busy all the time.. people do asks me how do I manage to juggle everything.. I told them that I don't have any choice.. Sometimes I was so afraid that I would end up just like the song.. That their only memory of me is just about me missing all their school functions and being so busy all the time..

Lately I keep on thinking to myself that whether the path that I choose is the right one for me or not.. whether I should continue with my career or just tender my resignation.. whether I should just quit my job for a few years to spent more time with them or just continue with it.. All this while my family were the reason for my preseverance, when things get tough at the office I would just think about meeting them at the end of the day and everything would be okay.. they are actually the source of my strength..

But lately.. the same thoughts kept coming.. I've been working to save enough money for their future yet at the same time I'm hurting them.. is it all even worth it.. When I talked about this with my friends they said that I was just being ungrateful, that I should be grateful to even have a job and I should stop complaining.. but they were not even half as busy as I am to start with.. they don't understand the situation..

But the truth is, this is not just about the girls.. For the past years I have been dreaming about this one night.. Yes, I wish that I can have just one night going to bed without even have to think about tomorrows meeting, datelines, reports, presentation etc.. etc.. I can't get this one night even during holidays because I know that work will be piling sky high after I came back.. If you ask me my top ten list of things to do before I die.. this would be on the number one spot.. just to have this one night of peaceful sleep...

I always thought that my knowledge and brains comes with responsibility.. responsibility to serve the people, the religion and the nation.. that's why I've been slaving and sacrificing myself for years.. until how long should I continue this? until how long should I let myself and the girls to sacrifice ourselves?? Sadly, this is the question that only me can answer.. and for the moment I really don't know what should be the answer.. I really don't know...