Second Class

Why should there be classes in life? Why should another human being treated differently? as if they were not matter at all.. as if they were not important.. but that is what happening in life.. it happens everywhere.. at school there might be some students that get more special attention from the teachers.. at work there might be some staff that get promoted faster even though everybody is working equally good.. I’m not saying to deny all these stuff.. but what happen if you see your children been treated differently.. what would you do??

My heart was crushed to pieces each time I saw this happen.. I don’t want people to treat my daughter’s extra special, I just want equal treatments.. But of course I could not control all this, even with family members.. I can’t do anything if they think my daughters are not as precious or even as cute as their cousins for example. There is nothing that I can do if they don’t really love or care for them. Nothing at all..

Of course they have enough attention from us as parents. We never abandoned them. Ever since they were born we were the only one who really knows them, who’d be there for them. We are the only one who spent countless night sleepless caring for them. We are the only ones that they come to for anything..

As a mother, whenever I see that my child been treated differently, my greatest fear would be the impact of it on their personality.. I don’t want them to feel inferior or insufficient.. I don’t want their confidence to deteriorate.. and worst of all I don’t want them to start accepting any bad treatments given to them simply because they think they deserve it.. childrens who get bullied at home tend to get bullied at school too (and at work later in life) because they have come into a stage of acceptance.. I don’t want that to happen to them..

But, as my husband always said, hopefully the love that we gave to them is enough to make them feel special, precious and worthy. And all these 2nd class thingy would mould them into a stronger, more compassionate, more matured, more thoughtful person. Insyaallah…

Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit....

Yes.. the phrase above is from an old P.Ramlee songs that always reminds us about marriage..

Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit
Apa pula suami isteri
Buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih
Baru teguh peribadi
Suami isteri mesti berpakat
Rumah tangga mendapat berkat

I can't help thinking about my two friends that were having a marital problems right now.. I'm glad that they confide their problems with me but at the same time I felt really hopeless.. I can just lend an ear and maybe gave a couple of advice but everything must actually comes from them to improve their marriage.. they are the one that have to try to work it out..

Sadly nowadays we see a lot of broken marriages, unlike when we were much younger, we seldom heard of people getting a divorce.. people nowadays are so easy to pick divorce as a solution.. and the victims are always their children's.. my children's suffered whenever my husband is working away from home for a long period of time.. I can't imagine the ordeal that these children's had to go through when their parents are divorced..

I've been married for more than 8 years.. It is not that long compared to others but I am truly grateful that we have been blissfully happy for the past 8 years together. Of course there are some down moments in our marriage like others but divorce has never been considered as an option.. We got married based on love and we hope that it stays that way forever for all eternity..



I'm not a marriage expert here.. just sharing some thought's on marriage which might be beneficial to others..(to remind me too at the same time :P)

1) Someone told me before that marriage is like buying a music CD, you get some songs that you really like but you also get the songs that you don't like as well.. You have to accept your partners weaknesses not only his/her strength.. of course you have to tell him/her whenever they make any mistakes but not up to a point that he/she thinks that you just try to find their faults.. We are all humans, everybody makes mistakes.. whenever we think that we are the victim for having to live with the other person, we should also put ourselves in their shoes and think also how difficult it must be for him/her to be living with somebody like us..

2) Marriage is like a business.. a partnership.. both side has to contribute... of course each of us has already got their own designation; husband - provide for the family, wife - take care of the household and children.. But we cannot expect only one partner did everything.. For example if the wife is working, the husband should help with the housework and childrens too.. same goes to the wife (if she's working).. once in a while she can help in settling some bills not just leave it to the husband alone.. We cannot expect only one partner to come up with initiatives.. If the wife is always more romantic that the husband, once in a while the husband should do a surprise too..

3) Avoid provocative statements or sensitive issues during arguments.. for example don't say things like "you act just like your stupid mother/father!! etc".. don't overly critisize your partners family member too.. maybe it is nothing to you but your partner might get hurt. Respect your in-laws just as you would respect your own family.

4) Whenever we had a big fight and things get ugly.. one of us would usually leave the house for a couple of hours (go to the movies, shopping, etc.. to cool down).. if we carry on we might say something too hurtful or do something which we might regret later.. But of course.. try to avoid any big fight/arguments (bad for the childrens).. try to talk/reason slowly in a civilised manner..

5) The little things counts.. Do something everyday for your partner no matter how little/insignificant but really shows that you care.. It doesn't have to be fancy.. a shoulder/foot massage, his/her favourite dish.. in this case action does speaks louder than words.. Always find some time to do things together.. for example at least eat or pray together once a day.. Always appreciate all the things that your partner do.. whether big or small..

7) Always keep a picture of you and your partner during the early days as a couple or newlyweds around the house.. Whenever things get rough you can always look back to those times when both of you were so much in love with each other..

8) This is important.. always take care not to have any bad mouth and body odour.. That is one big NO NO!!! (unless if your partner prefers the smelly you, hahaha :P)..

To both my friends, my prayers will always be with you.. hopefully you would be able to solve all your problems.. Please don't give up on your marriage just yet.. don't give up on your love just yet..

P.P.O.K.

This a term used by my friends and me for one type of species in a human race.. The type that has no shame, filthy and disgusting.. P.P.O.K. stands for Pengampu2 Orang Kaya.. Can't really remember how we first come up with these term though.. perhaps it was mentioned in some old P.Ramlee movies or something like that..

One good analogue for these P.P.O.K. species is the Remora fish. The Remora fish uses its suckers to connect itself to the shark and get a free ride on the shark's body. Remora eat the small bits of food left by the shark. The Remora's can swim just fine on their own, they just choose to become a shark sucker.. The shark on the other hand gain nothing from these relationship..

Another good analogue is from a film which I can't remember the name.. In this film the mother tries to explain to her daughter what is the child's father job which is obviously a P.P.O.K. She told her daughter that her father was doing something like transferring cakes from one person to another. Although the cakes initially doesn't come from him but he gets to keep the crumbs for doing that. The mother explains that in the end the father manage to keep a lot of crumbs and become rich because of that..

Nowadays, these P.P.O.K. are everywhere.. especially in politics.. they were swarming the big shots in politics like the flies swarming on the rotten meat.. If you are a somebody; businessman, Datuk or Tan Sri.. chances are you are going to have a few P.P.O.K. always around you and trying to get close to you.. These P.P.O.K. were willing to run errands for you.. like a dog doing things for their master.. but of course like any dog you need to give them treats like a doggie biscuits.. In P.P.O.K. case.. small amount of money or dinner will do.. But of course this is not their main income.. their main income is the money they get by introducing people.. by lobbying people everywhere they get to know a lot of influential people.. for example by introducing a contractor to somebody who will approve their project, the contractor will then pay the P.P.O.K. some significant amount of money..

I know that it is hard to believe that somebody is doing stuff like that for a living.. believe me, there are.. some have become very rich just by being a P.P.O.K... I don't know how this people goes to bed at night.. or willing to feed their children's from these kind of income.. To me, being a dishwasher at a mamak restaurant or a toilet cleaner is a much much more honourable job..

The same goes to the V.I.P... he'll never know those around him is a P.P.O.K. or true friends until something really bad happens.. When something bad happens all these P.P.O.K. will vanished into thin air.. those that remains by his side are his true friends.. My husband once asked me why did I choose to marry him, I have lost all the chances to become a Datin, Puan Sri or Toh Puan. I told him that being a V.I.P. was not and never in my dreams at all.. the reason is simple, by being a normal, ordinary person I get to have friends around me and not P.P.O.K's..

The Ugly Vietnamese

It has been three years for me to be working here in Vietnam. It hasn't been easy. Vietnam was spesifically fashioned for the Vietnamese, not for foreigners. I'ts their country and they are extremely proud of it and fiercely nationalistic. I can't wait for my repatriation back to Malaysia. Vietnam is still considered a poor country, but it is not the reason why I didn't enjoy my time here. Living here is actually not so bad considering the weather and food choice is almost the same as Malaysia. It is the people that I can't actually stand. Although a few of Vietnamese trait really make them unique it really does test my patience and endurance.

1) They are very selfish and self centered.
One example that I can see every morning is when using a lift to my office. My office in Ho Chi Minh is considered an A type building, similar to KLCC in KL, so everybody who use it are mostly educated office people and not the rural type. Whenever the lift door started to close and there were people running for the door nobody inside even bothered to touch the open door button. Even when the lift is not so full and their fingers are just inches away from the button. They just doesn't care because it is not them who were running for the lift. That is how selfish they were.

2) Queuing up is not in their dictionary.

Vietnamese never queue. I have seen one of my office mate go straight to the airport counter without even bother to queue up and there were such a long queue at the back. Even at a 5 star hotel there were hardly any queue to eat the buffet. Again, this is the educated population, not the rural type. Whenever I go shopping for groceries at the local supermarket I had to wait to pay or weight my groceries because they just go straight to the counter without even bother to queue. In the end, I had to be like them too to survived, don't even bother to queue.

3) Vietnamese just know how to smile and laugh.

Vietnamese would smile and laugh when they are sad, angry, embarassed, puzzled, uneasy, shy, grieving, etc.. so laughter actually covers a lot of situations!! that just sounds too good wasn't it?? Yes, it is good if you were a tourist, you must think that Vietnamese are so friendly, they always laugh and smile. But it is actually a pain when you are working with them. They would laugh whenever you try to make a point, laugh during an important meeting, laugh during a crisis, laugh when you try to correct what's wrong, laugh whenever you point out their mistakes.. hell.. Vietnamese will laugh in many situations where Westerners, Chinese or other asians certainly not.

4) Vietnamese are very stubborn.

Being stubborn is perceived as more of a virtue in Vietnam. In History they were stubborn with the Americans, French and Chinese. The Vietnamese are rightly proud of their unparalleled record of resistance to foreign domination. As a foreigner, I've had a hard time giving orders to Vietnamese, they would just give me a smile or laugh (as mentioned above) and then simply just doesn't do what they've been told.

5) Vietnamese are very rude.

It would take me a long time to elaborate further on this. It is easier to say that based on my standard and I believe many others they are very rude. I should add being nosy too. It has something to do with how they were brought up. Being nosy among many other things are not considered as rude in their culture.

6) Saving face is everything.

Vietnamese will never admit that they've done anything wrong or they didn't know certain things simply just to save their face. They would never point up any mistakes or firing incapable person simply just to save the person's face. Things are different if you are a foreigner though. Everything is simply your fault and you have to be blamed for everything including mistakes done by the locals, as if you don't have any face to be saved.

It is quite unfair to just point out their ugliness (as if Malaysians doesn't have any; we have plenty too). I've got a few Vietnamese friends (some with the exception of the above trait) and a few elderly Vietnamese to whom I look up to and respect. There are a few trait in which I actually admire :

1) Most Vietnamese are hardworking.

If you were able to get past through their ego they are actually very hardworking and willing to do a lot of thing to improve themselves. I sometimes wish that Malaysians could be as hardworking and dilligent as them. We are actually too pampered and never undergone hardship as them to realise the need to thrive.

2) They still uphold the family values.

There are three pillars of Vietnamese Society, family, family and family!! Immediate family, extended family and projected family. My bosses would regularly enquire me regarding my family's health and life; that seldom happened in Malaysia. Our office is like a small family unit - there is no secret, everybody knows everything. Contributed also by the nosy trait which I've mentioned earlier. However, the point here is, Vietnamese families still have dinner together at night, children still lives with their parents even after working and marriage and for most Vietnamese they actually fear nothing and nobody except their parents.

3) Punctuality.

They are much much more punctual than Malaysians. If the meeting supposed to start at 8.30 it will start at 8.30. In Malaysia, if the meeting supposed to start at 8.30 it will actually started at 9.00, the so called Malaysian Time.

4) Smile.

Although it is really annoying to me, I still marvelled and baffled on how they could laugh and smile in every situation. To me, this is one of the mystery of Vietnam..